Self-aware. Self conscious. Self induced.


There are phases in life that come in predictable waves. A driver’s license. Going to university. These are largely built into our society’s structure. Then there are actions, choices. At a certain point, not defined necessarily by age or school, you and your friends started dating, having sex. Then came the wave of marriages. Buying a house. Pregnancies. These aren’t demarcated by an age in the same way, but certainly by a certain time frame. It’s nothing personal, really, it doesn’t reflect on you, but it’s predictable.

I still remember the momentary shock of realization of my mid-twenties that if I saw a woman that I might want to talk to, get introduced to, I might want to check out her left hand first. Ring? I still remember the first time someone confessed an affair to me. There are different rules, but they’re at least clear and predictable.

Sometimes the waves don’t make any sense at all. One sick friend is coming to visit, another sick friend is moving to Milwaukee, a family member falls down and breaks critical bones.

I want there to be more predictability, a rhyme and reason to what seems to be cosmic whimsy. And I know you mean well, but the next person that tells me “everything happens for a reason” is going to get a punch in the nose. Nothing personal.


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